Back in 1990, UK satellite channel Sky 1 (the flagship channel of Sky Television, which was shortly to merge with British Satellite Broadcasting to form BSkyB) acquired the broadcast rights to this offbeat little animated series called The Simpsons that was making serious waves in the US (despite the handicap of being a cartoon, which, as general consensus had long dictated, meant that it had absolutely no business being on prime time or cherished by an adult audience). By 1991, The Simpsons had emerged in the UK as this super-hip cartoon that everyone loved but that nobody that I knew actually seemed to have seen. Oh sure, we'd all gone out and bough the "Do The Bartman" single, watched the music video on Top of the Pops and a few of us had even played that horrendous Bart Vs. The Space Mutants video game. But nobody had actually seen the series itself, because Sky 1 had exclusive broadcasting rights to the show back then, and only a very tiny minority of children in my class had satellite television (to have Sky typically indicated that your parents were either loaded or just really sports-obsessed). A number of episodes were released on VHS, which is how I finally got to experience the show first-hand, but for much of my childhood The Simpsons was wrapped up in mystique, a show which had accumulated so much positive word of mouth, but which only the truly privileged had unbridled access to. The Simpsons finally made its UK terrestrial television debut on BBC One on 23rd November 1996, with the broadcast of "There's No Disgrace Like Home." It later moved to BBC2, where it ran for several years before moving to Channel 4 in 2002.
Here's what all of us who grew up envying the few kids in our class who had Sky likely didn't appreciate - Sky 1's treatment of The Simpsons was absolute garbage. If we'd have known just how terrible it was then maybe we'd have been quite happy to wait a few years to see the episodes in their entirety on BBC2. Because Sky 1 took out their editing scissors and applied them to this show with irritating frequency.
See, my parents had actually spent the first half of the 90s debating whether or not to get Sky. My dad (who's really sports-obsessed) was very much in favour, only my mum was resistant, thinking that satellite dishes were an absolute eyesore. Finally, in late 1996 she relented, and we wound up getting a dish installed at round about the same time that the BBC started to air The Simpsons. So I got to follow two different strands of the series at once - the earlier stuff on the BBC and the newer stuff on Sky 1. It wasn't until BBC2 got round to airing some of the seasons that I was already well familiar with from Sky that I realised just how heavily (and poorly) edited the latter's broadcasts of numerous episodes actually were. I can only assume that Sky had stricter pre-watershed rules than the BBC, because they were constantly cutting out material which the Beeb never seemed to have any qualms about playing (at an even earlier timeslot than Sky at that) when their turn came around. Language was a major factor, with Sky 1 typically removing any instances of characters saying "crap", "ass" or "bastard", although they weren't 100% consistent on that point. Violence was another - Itchy and Scratchy cartoons were frequently truncated or in some instances omitted altogether. And then there were things which just seemed to have been pulled entirely at random, for no discernible reason whatsoever. Perhaps the most notorious example of Sky 1's downright bizarre editing of The Simpsons was in a broadcast of the episode "Rosebud" that aired soon after the death of Princess Diana in 1997, in which Mr. Burns' use of the word "paparazzi" was blanked out - a questionable move which merely made it look as if Mr. Burns was saying something really obscene (that gag in "Duffless" in which Barney mistakes a pile of old rags for Princess Diana, though? They left that totally intact at around the same time).
Now, for the most part these edits were quite small and didn't really detract from one's enjoyment of the episode as a whole (even if they did have the effect of making individual scenes seem abrupt, confusing or incomplete). But if there's one episode that I'd say suffered pretty extensively in the hands of Sky 1, in that so much was cut out that the story and writing lost a huge chunk of their verve, rendering it a declawed and incoherent shadow of its true self, it's episode 3F08, or "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming" of Season 7. Before we proceed, here are a couple of basic facts I should disclose about myself:
1) Sideshow Bob is my favourite fictional character, period. I think he's brilliant.
2) "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming" is my all-time second favourite episode of The Simpsons ("Brother From Another Series" being my absolute favourite - gotta love that line about the Cappadocians). For a long time, however, it was easily my least favourite of the original six Sideshow Bob episodes. Bob's input was always enough to elevate it toward the top of the overall Simpsons pile regardless, but something had always felt distinctly "off" about this one. There were numerous awkward cuts and fade-outs where it seemed like an actual punchline should have been, several scenes and moments felt totally incoherent (notably the ending scene); the whole thing just lacked cogency. When "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming" aired upon BBC2 and I finally got to see an uncut version, I realised that that thick layer of awkwardness I had prior associated with the episode had simply been imposed on it by Sky - out of their hands, it was fantastic. Bob himself is on top form throughout - pretty much every line of dialogue from him is golden, and Kelsey Grammer's delivery is absolutely flawless.
How do you go about transforming one of the wittiest episodes of a highly acclaimed series into a confusing and all-too frequently humourless mess? That's precisely what I intend to explore in this particular article. I recently dug out my old VHS recording of a Sky 1 broadcast of "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming" from 1997, and am delighted to bring you a detailed analysis of exactly what was cut and how this affected the overall mood and flow of the episode. Note that for my comparison I will be using the version of the episode that appears upon The Simpsons Season 7 DVD release, not the version that was broadcast on BBC2, so I cannot say with absolute certainty that the BBC2 version was 100% uncut.
Something else I'd like to stress before I begin is that I very seldom watch The Simpsons on Sky 1 these days (unlike my parents, I did not grow up to be a Sky subscriber), so I've no idea what their treatment of the series is like today, or if they're even still using this particular edit of "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming". This is simply the version that I was familiar with for many years, and hopefully this analysis will resonate with anyone who followed the series on Sky 1 back in the late 90s.
Anyhow, this is the episode in which Bob gets hold of a nuclear weapon and threatens to detonate it if Springfield doesn't give up on its TV-watching habits. As with many of Bob's schemes, there are noble intentions nestled at the heart of it - Bob simply wants to revive the lost art of conversation (and scrimshaw) - but his methods err on the side of extremity. The title and basic plot of the episode are a shout-out to Robert Aldrich's underrated 1977 thriller Twilight's Last Gleaming, in which a military prison escapee (played by Burt Lancaster) seizes control of a nuclear missile silo and threatens to hit the launch button if the President does not go public with the contents of a top-secret document. There are also references to a variety of classic nuclear war films, including Dr. Strangelove, Fail-Safe and Lyndon B. Johnson's infamous "Daisy" political advertisement, making it a must-see for anyone who shares my morbid fascination with that type of thing.
The episode opens with Bob in minimum security prison (kudos to the show for actually remembering that that's where he was sent at the end of "Sideshow Bob Roberts" - it's the kind of direct continuity one couldn't expect to see in any of the more recent episodes), where he is becoming increasingly troubled by the mind-rotting capabilities of the television set - somewhat ironically, as his fellow inmates point out, given that Bob himself is a former television celebrity, but it seems that Bob is eager to put that portion of his life behind him, thinking that he helped to destroy "more young minds than syphilis and pinball combined" (wonderful line, glorious reading by Kelsey). While working at an Air Force base that is being prepared for an upcoming air show, Bob masterminds a scheme to rid Springfield of the corrupting influence of television once and for all.
02.39 - Dialogue Edit: "Condom Wrappers"
Bob: "There, that's the last condom wrapper."
This was presumably cut because such an explicit reference to condoms would have been deemed inappropriate for Sky 1's pre-watershed broadcasting rules. Oh, but a character crying, "Porno! Porno! PORNO!" later on in the episode? Perfectly acceptable apparently.
Side note: notice how Bob wields a rake in this particular scene and manages to avoid stepping on it or any of that nonsense? Contrary to popular belief, they didn't decide to make that whole rake thing into a multi-episode running gag until much later on the series.
03.56 - Scene Truncation: "Haul ass to Lollapalooza"
The above condom reference removal is a fairly typical kind of Sky 1 Simpsons edit - it's obvious that the scene in question doesn't flow properly, and that's certainly annoying, but it doesn't really do much to hurt the episode as a whole. The next edit, however, is far more fatal, and occurs when Bob, back at the minimum security prison, overhears snippets from a tacky sitcom that his cellmate is watching, and is deeply distressed by its content.
TV: Friend? You mean you two aren't knocking boots? (audience laughter) Ever do the backseat mambo, Craigy?
Bob: (gasps) I know that voice...TV's bottomless chum bucket has claimed Vanessa Redgrave!
Aaaand cue the awkward fade-out.
The Sky 1 version fades out immediately after Bob's rueful observation about Vanessa Redgrave, and good grief, does it make the scene in question feel strange, unsettling and just plain incomplete.
Here's how the rest of the scene plays out in the uncut version:
TV: Now I'm gonna haul ass to Lollapalooza! YEEHAW!!! (sounds of motorbike revving)
Bob: (covering ears with pillow) Farewell, dear Nessa...
TV: (20th Century Fox theme plays)
Sky 1 viewers missed out on some hilarious reaction shots from Bob, notably his look of pure anguish at Nessa's mere mention of Lollapalooza, and of bitter world-weariness upon hearing the 20th Century Fox theme - a self-depreciating swipe at the network upon which The Simpsons originally airs, and also an indirect call-back to Bob's earlier skirmish with fellow inmate Rupert Murdoch.
Not only did Sky 1 shear off the punchline of this scene (all because Nessa used the word "ass", I'm assuming), this edit will have direct repercussions much later on in the episode, as it renders the ending scene totally incomprehensible, but we'll get to that in due course.
12.08 - Visual Edit: "Porno! Porno! PORNO!"
Yeah, so we've already established that you can get away with saying "porno" as loudly and as frequently as you want pre-watershed...just so long as you don't get too close to the offending material. Missing from the Sky 1 is edit is a brief close-up shot of the pornographic magazines that Colonel Hapablap throws onto the table in the underground, Dr. Strangelove-style War Room.
The Sky 1 edit does, however, retain the moment with Krusty examining the magazines...so we get a decent enough glimpse of them anyway. I can still make out the words "Granny Fanny" down there.
As with Bob's condom line, this is a minor edit which doesn't leave anything more than a very tiny dent within the episode itself. It's once we reach the climax that the edits start coming thick and fast, and it becomes evident that there is something very, deeply wrong with this broadcast.
16.55 - Dialogue Edit: "A very special type of genius"
Bart: So Krusty double-crossed you...but your basic plan was pure genius. Where do you get your ideas?
Bob: Oh, please! (pulls flick-knife from jumpsuit) Let's not embarrass us both with that hoary old stall-the-villain-with-flattery scheme.
(As Bob corners Bart, Lisa is seen typing away on a computer keyboard.)
Bart: I- I should've known you were too smart to fall for that...
Bob: Really? What type of smart? Book smart? Because there are a lot of people who are book smart. But it takes a very special type of genius to -
The dialogue itself seems perfectly harmless, so I'm guessing that what the Sky 1 censors took issue with here is Bob threatening Bart with a flick-knife throughout their exchange. Bob continues to hold Bart at knife point for much of the climax and Sky 1 certainly couldn't have taken it out of the episode altogether, but I suspect that it's this particular close-up of the knife being pointed in Bart's direction that they really wanted gone:
17.55 - Dialogue Edit: "Ass on a Platter"
Colonel Hapablap: "Hell, not the Wright Brothers' plane! The Smithsonian's gonna have my ass on a platter!"
Once again, we can't say "ass" on this channel pre-watershed. It's another of the less harmful edits, although I am sorry that Sky 1 viewers were deprived of R. Lee Ermey's brilliant delivery of the line in question.
Side note: There's something about the way Marge screams as Bob flies overhead with Bart which seriously cracks me up.
18.28 - Scene removal: "Jet off to Raleigh-Durham"
Missing from the Sky 1 edit is an entire scene with Bob and Bart on the Wright Brothers' plane.
Bob: Ah, for the days when aviation was a gentleman's pursuit, back before every Joe Sweat-Sock could wedge himself behind a lunch tray and jet off to Raleigh-Durham.
Bart: (spluttering) Are you getting lots of bugs in your mouth too?
Bob: Yes. (starts spitting)
Your guess is as good as mine. I'll speculate that Sky 1 was looking to further minimise the amount of screen-time given to that flick-knife.
20.55 - Scene Truncation: "Here we go again..."
We finally reach the end of the episode. Bob's plan to wipe out Krusty via kamikaze tactics fails due to the Wright Brothers' plane not being built for that kind of thing, Bob is dragged away in handcuffs (no more minimum security for you) and Bart is reunited with the rest of the Simpsons clan. The only question now is, what's the final punchline going to be? Uh, well...
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Aaaand fade out.
The fuck?
Seriously, now. If the Sky 1 edit was the only version of this episode that you were familiar with, how could you even be expected to make sense of that ending? Why does Abe Simpson suddenly show up on a motorbike? What do the family even mean when they say, "Here we go again," as if Abe pulls this kind of thing often? What does it have to do with ANYTHING that we've just seen?
The answer, of course, is that the ending, in its original form, was a call-back to the sitcom that Bob's cellmate was watching earlier on in the episode (the one allegedly starring Vanessa Redgrave). In the full version of the episode, Abe, much like Nessa before him, announces that, "I'm gonna haul ass to Lollapalooza," which is what actually triggers the family's "Here we go again" declaration, as they know what's coming next (the family is, in effect, breaking the fourth wall here, something which totally isn't preserved in the Sky 1 edit). In the original cut, the episode doesn't fade out at this point - instead, it cuts directly to the 20th Century Fox logo, after which we get the end credits. In a sense, it's Rupert Murdoch who gets the last word here (with Marge's notable lack of enthusiasm, which echoes her prior reaction to being at the air show, imparting the suggestion that Fox is a paradigm of much the same variety of empty, noisy entertainments).
And that's Sky 1's edit of "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming". As is usually the case with any Sideshow Bob episode, I end up feeling incredibly sorry for Bob (methods aside, the bloke did only start out wanting to construct his model of Westminster Abbey in peace), and I feel doubly bad for him here because Sky 1 truncated so much of his material, to the extent that they completely excised one of his all-time greatest lines (the one about Joe Sweat-Sock and Raliegh-Durham), in addition to nullifying some of the more meta aspects of the episode.
Final note: even though I've compared the BBC's treatment of The Simpsons entirely favourably to Sky 1's throughout this article, they weren't above making a few rather irksome edits themselves - their broadcast of "Treehouse of Horror IV", for example, was missing the exchange between Devil-Flanders and Richard Nixon (the "But I'm not dead yet! In fact, I just wrote an article for Redbook!" bit). I don't care if Nixon actually was long dead by the time BBC2 aired the episode, that "Hey listen, I did a favour for you!" response was one of the funniest gags that The Simpsons ever came up with.
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