Saturday, 21 March 2026

West Country Tales '82: The Beast (aka An Affinity With Solitude)

  

One of the more obscure entries into the BBC's folk horror canon is West Country Tales, an anthology series that aired in two separate runs from 1982 to 1983, and never went on to attain the same classic status as the long-running Ghost Story For Christmas, or even the cult curiosity of the largely junked Dead of Night. A home media release has yet to materialise, and it's ever been subject to late night repeats then they've passed me by. My personal introduction to the series was by way of the Cloud Waste and The Calf track "The Beast" (from the 2013 electronic album Rare Sounds Around Britain Vol 3), which sampled extensively from the West Country Tales episode of the same name. It was a track that spooked the bejesus out of me at the time, with the upshot that the episode itself now holds a special place in my heart. The unique hook of West Country Tales was that the spine-chilling dramas in question were all based on actual events that took place in the titular region of the South West of England...allegedly, anyway. The story goes that BBC South West made a local appeal to members of the public to submit their accounts of the strange and macabre things that had happened to them or to people with whom they'd crossed paths, and these were the results. "The Beast", which aired on 1st March 1982, was written by Kevin Crooks, but credits inspiration to a contribution by G.R. Parkhouse. How much of it came from Parkhouse's contribution and how much was altered in the scripting process is anybody's guess.

I do wonder if the lesser popularity of the series has anything to do with its format, in which narrative detail is related predominantly via voice-over monologue while the bulk of the (fairly minimal) character dialogue is regulated to the status of background noise, and which can be an acquired taste. It's a move that seems designed to hold the viewer at a certain distance, ensuring that we are never quite as immersed in the physical action unfolding before us as we are in the narrator's account of it. The idea is the tales are retained foremost within the realm of oral storytelling, the kind of yarn we might be treated to if we were seated beside a particularly garrulous stranger on a pub stool or an extended train ride, with the accompanying visuals representing the blanks that the listener is required to fill in for themselves. Given the series' origins as a collection of purportedly real-life testimonies, it imposes a detachment between voice-over narration and onscreen drama that implicitly invites the viewer to ponder its objectivity. We come away questioning how much of the truth (that is, assuming the account had any basis in truth to begin with) has been obscured in the telling, either through misremembered details or the pursuit of narrative flair, much as we would if a stranger regaled us with a tall story that had evidently been recited to other listeners on countless prior occasions. West Country Tales endeavors to be less an accurate snapshot of the happenings of the West Country than an affectionate tribute to the lore disposed to circulate in far-flung places, as well as to our capacity to suspend disbelief whenever we like where a story is going.

"The Beast" concerns an unnamed narrator (played by David Gilpin in the present and Jamie Barron in flashbacks, but with Jack Watson supplying the all-important voice-over) who journeys back to the Cornish farmhouse where he grew up, in order to confront the demon of his adolescence. He ends up doing so only vicariously, through the more recent experiences of the cousin who has since taken up residence on the farm. The story can be divided into two distinct acts; in the first, which is the shorter of the two, the protagonist recalls how, at age 15, he ventured out into the wilderness with a shotgun he had acquired without his parents' knowledge, intending to practice his hunting skills, only to himself become the target of the unidentified predator that had been stalking him through the undergrowth. In the second act, the adult narrator, still bewildered by the experience, is reunited with his cousin Jenny (Maggie Green), who recounts how her efforts to establish a peaceful pastoral existence with her husband Bill (Steve Tomlin) were slowly but surely transformed into a waking nightmare, with the realisation that they weren't alone in their country abode. 

The narrator has few specifics to offer about the nature of the titular beast, beyond this one chilling observation: "It was no animal...but then, neither was it human." We learn that its presence is indicated by the ghastly breathing noises it makes, reminiscent of gas escaping from a pipe, and that it has a penchant for savaging livestock, but within the monologue its menace stays vague and undefined, with not so much as a hint of the creature's origins or of what it might actually be. The visual accompaniment narrows it down a bit more extensively - the beast (portrayed by Milton Gaylord Reid) is shown only fleetingly, in a series of rapid and generally unfocussed shots, but we do get a single, clear enough glimpse of it staring at us head-on, in which it appears more-or-less human, but with an uncanny gaze and a pronounced overbite. It's also visibly wearing garments, which seems to undermine the possibility of it being a Sasquatch-like creature. If the visuals are to be trusted as an accurate representation of the narrator's testimony, then the most probable explanation would be that the characters are up against a deranged hermit who doesn't much appreciate having to share his range with pesky interlopers. Something that, while terribly sinister, isn't quite as unknowable a threat as the narrative would suggest. There is, however, a greater subtext to be mined from the tendencies of this human-shaped ravager. Importantly, the beast is persistent. It doesn't relinquish its territory, even as the farm changes hands over the decades. The narrator explains how, after the death of his father, the farmhouse was put up for sale and acquired by a man from upcountry who didn't stay there for long, accepting a smaller price than he paid for it and absconding to his sister in Torquay. In a vacuum, the narrator would not regard this outcome as unusual, noting that newcomers used to the hustle and bustle of urban living often struggle to acclimatise themselves to the stillness of the country; as he puts it, "It takes a lifetime to find an affinity with solitude." Jenny and Bill are not explicitly identified as former city dwellers, but they are, in the narrator's view, every bit as out of place as the abode's latest owners, seeing as it is "far too isolated for a young couple." The narrator's assessment that the beast is neither human nor animal would ostensibly mark it out as an unnatural being, but it is perfectly at home in the land that these outsiders find so unfavourable. Its forbidding, aggressively solitary nature suggests that it and the land are really one and the same, that the beast that menaces the characters throughout the narrative is the personification of the brutal remoteness that makes short work of so many escapism-seeking spirits.

 

The subtext to the narrator's story seems straightforward enough. He's an impulsive young man who aspires to attain "the power over life and death" with a discarded shotgun he has surreptitiously repaired (his father has forbidden him from using his own) and a couple of cartridges he obtained by trading a fountain pen at school. As he concedes, his aim is sadly lacking, his failure to take down a gull flying overhead foreshadowing his more critical ineptitude in venturing deeper into the wilderness. But even before then, one of the sequence's most striking images is a wide shot in which the protagonist is seen to wander ever further into a landscape that increasingly dwarfs him, a sure sign that he is out of his depth. As he leaves, his biggest fear is that he might be spotted by one of his parents, making the eventual ambush from the beast feel like the retribution of parental authority as much as that of a vengeful natural world, the gun he incompetently wields representing a violation against his actual mother and Mother Nature alike. In his case, he encounters trouble because he goes looking for it; to remain at the farmhouse, under the guidance of his parents, is to remain in safety. The surrounding landscape conceals a barrage of dangers that are both beyond his comprehension and his ability to master. It is both a matter of man being put in his place by a nature far greater than himself, and an impetuous youngster getting his first real taste of the tribulations of coming of age.

Jenny's story is more of a puzzle. It is also framed as a matter of youthful naivety losing out to the innate hostility of the world, with the narrator's explicit mention of the couple's callowness as the factor that makes them most vulnerable, and is built primarily around the tension between their expectations of idyllic rural living versus the grimmer reality. They try their hand at raising chickens, to achieve Bill's vision of a "proper farmhouse" breakfast of fresh eggs every morning, something that ends in disaster when Jenny returns home one day to find that a predator has paid a sneaky visit to the coop. Even before this unfortunate occurrence, Jenny is ill at ease with the artefacts of the violence that once characterised everyday life upon the farm, harbouring a special wariness of the piggery that was built 200 years ago, complete with a stone gully for draining the blood of the animals as they were slaughtered. It seems significant that the build-up to the second confrontation with the beast consists of the kinds of mishaps and challenges you might expect to face on the most unexceptional of farms, as opposed to anything too unambiguously strange - unidentified noises in the darkness (any noise can sound unnerving if you don't know where it's coming from), unexplained cracks in the window panes (birds sometimes fly into them), the cat showing up with the tips of its ears chewed off (which, as Bill points out, could have been caused by a run-in with a feral cat), the massacre at the chicken coop (possibly the work of a fox, although the delivery man who first stumbles across the aftermath has his doubts). The strongest evidence that anything uncanny is afoot come via the terrifying scratch marks that Jenny finds upon the outhouse door and the enlarged footprint located in the soil. Bill, who is undeterred in pursuing his rose-tinted dreams of pastoral living, farmhouse breakfast and all, always insists on the rational explanation, but for Jenny they add up to a bigger picture of the land and its inhospitable character, with its capacity to punish as much as provide.

As their perspective of the situation diverges, an emotional gulf develops between the couple (deftly conveyed in a shot that shows them seated at a considerable distance from one another at their dinner table), with Bill's dismissiveness of Jenny's concerns amounting to an insensitivity to her increasing discomfort with their remote existence. To that end, there are definite shades of the "During Barty's Party" episode of Nigel Kneale's 1977 horror anthology series Beasts, in which a country-dwelling couple are menaced by an unseen swarm of  intelligent rats that signify the gnawing prospect of social oblivion (it is the failure of titular radio DJ Barty, the narrative's spokesperson for the outside world, to commit protagonist Angie's name to memory that ultimately dooms her and her husband). This beast too seems to represent the onset of an all-consuming solitude, its attack on the chicken coop being less an assault on Bill's culinary cravings than a brutal silencing of the "familiar clucking" from which Jenny derives some reassurance of companionship and connection. And yet, Jenny's longing for "something tangible to happen" that will bring herself and Bill back together seems to inadvertently align her intentions with that of the beast. The narrative climaxes with Jenny hearing more strange noises in the dead of night and urging Bill to go outside and investigate. He traces the source of the disturbance to the much-dreaded piggery, where he is promptly mauled by the lurking beast. The irony should not escape us that Jenny has sent Bill to his metaphorical slaughter. We are assured that Bill survived the encounter, and that his physical injuries were minor compared to the psychological damage he sustained, although neither the voice-over or the visuals care to elaborate further, with Bill being ominously absent from the framing narrative in the present.

We might notice that the rules of the beast's modus operandi appear to have shifted in between the acts. In the narrator's boyhood account, he encounters the beast precisely because he roams away from the farmhouse, with the insinuation that he would have been safe had he stayed within the bounds set by his parents. Notably, his parents do not seem to have had any trouble with the beast during their tenure at the farmhouse - the narrator's story went disbelieved, and it was only following the death of his father in 1963 that the farm fell into a state of instability. Now most of his family has passed on, with the narrator making it clear that Jenny is his only living relative. Their shared vulnerability in being the last of their family's lineage makes it tempting to read the beast as a metaphor for the prospect of having to navigate a world after our parents' departure. A world in which there is no warm and protective (however strict) abode to return to, and we're left with only our self-sufficiency to lean upon, which even in maturity may not be as up to snuff as we would like to think. The adult Jenny and Bill are certainly no better equipped to deal with the advances of the beast than the teenaged narrator. The house itself, once a symbol of parental control, has ceased to be a place of safety, with the creature having taken to patrolling its vicinity, lingering directly outside the kitchen window, scratching on the doors and infiltrating the chicken coop. An alternative perspective is that Jenny and Bill have violated the retribution to the beast because they too violated the laws of the land, in their case by hosting a lively house warming party shortly after moving in, of the kind that the narrator suspects the house had ever seen before. Such jubilant gregariousness is not the norm within these parts. Perhaps it is simply the realisation that the house was never a place of safety, and that its residents were always as vulnerable within its walls as they were in the wide open, the land on which it sits being the same inhospitable terrain as the nebulous wilderness that surrounds - followed by the realisation that a key part of that menace still lingers on within ourselves.

The most striking shot in Jenny's flashback occurs in the aftermath of the aforementioned party, when Jenny has her first brush with the beast, having heard its unpleasant breathing sounds outside her kitchen window, and also her first inkling of her imperilled connection with Bill, whom she suspects of playing a trick on her. While we glimpse parts of this sequence from the kitchen's warmly-lit interior, it is shown predominantly from the beast's perspective, with voyeuristic views of the occupants from the outside, the glazing bar obscuring them in a manner that feels evocative of exhibits in a zoo. The implication is that Jenny is not so much safe on the inside as she is captive, a beast resigned to a state of perpetual entrapment (this notion of the farmhouse as a place of confinement lends a bitter irony to Bill's longing for free range eggs). Jenny's experiences bring her no closer to that coveted affinity with solitude - to the contrary, in the present day framing device, she seeks out the company of tourists in a crowded tea room - but her unwitting complicity with the beast, in directing Bill into its clutches, is suggestive of a kind of subconscious affinity with her prowling nemesis, of some common instinct that drives the two. The attack becomes an outlet for her own repressed resentment toward both her oblivious husband and her entrapment. The beast looks so eerily human, we suppose, because it encompasses the part of ourselves that originated in the same wilderness that has come to signify the dark unknown; it is the dark and all-too-knowable side of humanity that we were never quite able to leave behind as we made the shift to civilisation. Even as Jenny struggles to reconcile herself with the more bestial side of human nature (hence her hatred of the piggery), she yearns for the freedom the beast possesses, the ability to be a part of the land and not stifled by it.

"The Beast" does not build to a conventional twist in the style of "The Breakdown", a fellow West Country Tales intsllament that adheres more closely to the Tales of The Unexpected mould, complete with a gruesomely macabre punchline. The closest thing it has to offer is the curious lack of a third act - following the catharsis of the climactic confrontation, we might expect some form of concluding revelation to follow in the present, with the narrator and Jenny discovering something more definitive about their mutual tormentor, eg: a possible scrap of local lore shedding light on the creature's nature or its origins. Instead, the epilogue shows only glimpses of the abandoned farmhouse, now a total no-go area, and apparently still on the market despite its price being slashed even more times than poor Bill. The lack of human presence in the closing images confirms that it has been reclaimed by the uncanny stillness that characterises the adjacent space; meanwhile, the beast has slipped back into the obscurity from which it came, the narrator seemingly having accepted their encounters as one of those baffling facts of life that will forever evade closure or comprehension. The wisdom he is instead inclined to draw from Jenny's confidence is that places come with their own hidden baggage, the likes of which a house surveyor cannot possibly prepare us for, and that by settling down in a new abode, we sign ourselves up to be part of its ongoing and perhaps not always agreeable narrative. The final, winking gag on which the story ends derives from the fiendish anonymity it bestows on the pivotal farmhouse, making it representative of the prospective country getaways that litter the entire region: "If you're looking for a place in the West Country, remember this one." The message is clear - if it's peace and escapism we're seeking, maybe we'd be better off taking our chances in the Midlands.

 
 
 

Tuesday, 10 March 2026

Safeway: Little Harry Learns His ABCs

In 1995 Safeway were ahead of the supermarket pack in launching a loyalty card scheme (beaten to the punch only by Tesco), under the banner of ABC. ABC stood for "Added Bonus Card", but it also suggested simplicity and everything happening in a perfect little sequence. Having one of these in your pocket entitled you to a range of goodies, from in-store discounts to family days out, and naturally we had a Little Harry ad to go along with it. This one differed from the last two Harry ads we looked at, in that it didn't tell the story of a single shopping trip, but was instead comprised of three smaller vignettes designed to give you an idea of the various different applications of the ABC card.

This ad always stood out to me as one of the most memorable of the Little Harry series, on account of the surprisingly vicious shade thrown at Tots TV, a contemporary preschool show on CITV about a trio of puppets named Tilly, Tom and Tiny. A VHS tape containing a collection of their adventures is posited here as a blatantly naff selection next to a sponge cake in the shape of Mr Blobby, one of the reigning champions of 1990s UK zeitgeist. Harry's audacity in looking his mother's gift horse in the mouth had him seeming like quite the subversive soul at the time. A running theme throughout these three vignettes involves Harry one-upping the adults around him with his more discerning sensibilities, further playing on the tension between his deceptively ickle exterior and his acerbic inner monologuing. Being a toddler didn't mean that he was thrilled about being stuck with something as wretchedly unhip as Tots TV when there was discounted Mr Blobby merchandising up for grabs. Obviously the viewer was expected to sympathise with his preference, for if the British public (at least the portion of it that bought CD singles) had chosen Mr Blobby over teen heartthrobs Take That in a recent popularity contest, then what chance did those unassuming puppets have?

I might be talking out of turn here, but I get the impression that Tots TV isn't massively well-remembered nowadays, in spite of its tremendously infectuous theme song. In fact, that entire era of preschool television (the gulf between the demise of Rainbow and the dawn of the Teletubbies and the Tweenies) seems sadly neglected in terms of nostalgia. Nevertheless, could we argue that time has ultimately been kinder to Tilly, Tom and Tiny (even with their secret cottage having been torn down in 2021)? The Mr Blobby phenomenon that ate the UK's brains in the 90s is something that people tend to look back on with quite a bit of leery bemusement, wondering how kids were expected to be anything other than utterly terrified of the character, let alone want to consume anything in his likeness. Personally, I don't feel overly qualified to comment, since I was seldom more than innocent bystander in that whole affair. Somehow or other I never watched Noel's House Party, the program where he originated, and I didn't learn of his proper context - that he was initially conceived as a parody of a children's character, hence his somewhat off-kilter aura, and the feature of a recurring sketch where he was unleashed on unsuspecting celebrities - until long after the fact. I was familiar with Blobby to the extent that he was inescapable back then, but I had very little first-hand experience with the hulking pink demon. Still, I think it's a safe bet that the Tots were always the more sophisticated of the two choices. What says more about the battle for culture lost than a wholesome videotape about three puppets and their lovely donkey being passed over for something as crude and unnourishing as a cake shaped like the creepy humanoid with the Pepto Bismol colour scheme?

The second vignette revolves around an agreeable bit of role reversal, with Harry and his father leafing through the ABC catalogue in the manner of a bedtime story, but with Harry doing all the reading while his father can barely keep his eyes open. Harry wants them to redeem their points on a family cinema ticket, but objects to his parents' practice of tongue-kissing in the back row, which he claims is prohibited by ABC's regulations. The humor lies somewhere between Harry's efforts to usurp the position of parental authority, by insisting that the adults keep their pesky hormones in check, and his guarded awareness of said hormones in the first place.

In the final skit, Harry is addressed as an adult (albeit facetiously) by the Safeway cashier who applies a £8.00 discount to his family's shopping and honors him by letting him hold the prestigious ABC card. Even then, he finds ample room for improvement in the adult establishment, handing the card back and suggesting that they produce one containing the whole alphabet (of course, juxtaposed with the cheeky grin Hanford is exhibiting, Harry comes off as being a mite facetious himself). Ever the avatar for the viewer's inner child, he reminds us that it's good and healthy to have copious amounts of childhood fancy mixed in with our adult discernment. 

And yes, if the "C" in ABC stood for "card", then calling it an ABC card was a classic example of RAS syndrome.

Wednesday, 4 March 2026

Safeway: Little Harry Goes To Wolverhampton

Little Harry's Safeway adventures continued in an ad (circa 1995) which saw the drolly articulate tyke and his mother enjoying a grand day out in one of the chain's newly-opened superstores, the location of which varied according to which part of the UK you were watching it from. The narration in the embedded YouTube upload gives the shout-out to a Wolverhampton store set to open its doors that August, although the all-purpose footage was adapted to reference a variety of stores in different regions. TV Ark has an upload of a variant promoting a couple of stores in Dumbarton and Glenrothes. Wow, Harry and his mother certainly got around.

The Harry campaign was designed to cement Safeway's reputation as a particularly appealing option for parents accustomed to shopping with small children, by emphasising the various perks they had implemented to make the experience more straightforward (including the "VIP" parent and child parking right beside the entrance). But by aligning the viewer's perspective with that of a toddler coming to grips with the vast world and all of its possibilities, at a time when even something as mundane as pushing a trolley around a stack of groceries seemed novel and exhilarating, it had the additional effect of making setting foot in one of their stores seem like a great and wholesome adventure. Safeway were pushing themselves as the supermarket chain that met all of your needs under one roof, to the point that you, like Harry, were dwarfed by its scope (albeit not to the same inhibiting extent where the wide aisles impeded his ability to interact with the items on the shelves). Harry's remark on assessing the magnitude of the venue - "I hope you cancelled the milk" - has a cunning double meaning, alluding hyperbolically to the possibility that they could be navigating its wares for days, while implicitly suggesting that having milk delivered to your door was a redundant service when you might as well pick it up at Safeway.

Harry's charm as an advertising character lay in his being both a child and an adult at once, the delightfully incongruous combination of Hanford's pint-sized form with Clunes' ultra-dry delivery. Innocence by way of sardonicism, he became the avatar for the inner child of every Safeway consumer whose gut reaction, on seeing balloons handed out, was to anticipate that some kind of party should follow. As it turns out, Safeway had two different parties (of sorts) to offer inside of its stores. One was the more subdued party targetted at adult patrons, a celebration of service and expansive convenience comprised of petrol stations, coffee shops, dry cleaning and all the things that you're expected to embrace as a grown-up. The second was located in the soft play area that serves as the ad's punchline, with the revelation that these Safeway superstores came with a crèche where you could dump the kids, the ultimate dream of any parent who didn't want to have to deal with a fussing toddler and a trolley full of dried penne and tinned peaches at the same time. Harry speaks so deftly to the adults who are still kids at heart that it's actually a little heart-rending, seeing him gazing longingly at the tots on the other side of the glass, unable to access this particular Safeway perk on account of his mum yanking him in another direction. He asks her not to take it the wrong way, but he'd rather stay in the crèche next time, with his repeated unanswered imploring leaving doubts as to whether it's going to happen. He articulates the desires of the wistful adult viewership more than their hyperactive children. Because admit it, no matter what your age, there is a very visceral part of you that likewise envies those kids, as you find yourself yearning for a simpler time when you could bounce relentlessly off of soft surfaces while someone else took care of your material needs. Alas, dry cleaning is where you're at now. You've got to be satisfied with the excitement in that.