Bob and Mick's Dirty Little Secret (Let's Get Interactive!)

Let's talk about one of the stranger early 2000s computer-generated advertising mascots - Sky UK's Lil' Red, who was launched in 2002 to promote Sky Active, the interactive feature service that once enabled you to play Space Invaders and shop for Pokémon toys on your television. That little red button on your Sky Digital remote (not to be confused with the little red button from The Fifth Element which, if activated, meant death for us all) was your portal to a world of fun and connectivity, and what better way to get the point across than to personify the button as a hip and happening party dude, beckoning you to touch him and see what happened? Hence, Lil' Red was born. And yes, to get the obvious point out of the way early on, he did indeed look like the freaky bastard love child of Sideshow Bob and Mick Jagger. That was what we all used to say about him back in the day, and it accounted for a significant cut of his charm, did it not?

The second really prominent curiosity surrounding Lil' Red is how the heck did this guy not become a bisexual icon? He must be the most flamboyantly bi advertising mascot out there, what with his unambiguously sexualised yet entirely gender-neutral approach to selling the merits of keeping your finger on that little red button. Lil' Red unveiled himself to the world with the declaration that, "Pleasuring you is my creed!", and with his tight leather pants, gyrating pelvis and non-stop emphasis on physical intimacy, it was clear that Sky were looking to equate the special feeling you get from pushing that button with sexual gratification. Your gender was of no odds to Red; so long as you were a Sky subscriber, then you were his type. And if his suggestive dance moves did nothing to grab your attention, the song to which he was spiralling was certainly headed straight for your inner ear. The thing was as catchy as smallpox.

Lil' Red was the brainchild of network creatives Martin Delamere and Rafaela Perera. Animation for the promos was supplied by Uli Meyer Studios, who received a shout-out in one of the ads, "FrankenRed", a parody of Frankenstein, where Red, playing the titular scientist, addresses his Igor-esque assistant as "Uli". Actually, the evocation of horror iconography was quite appropriate - I asked earlier why Red didn't become a bisexual icon, but I suppose I already know the answer to that. Debate rages on as to whether the personified button was a unique and dynamic mascot or a horrifying concoction of nightmare-inducing graphics. The inevitable roughness of that early 00s CGI, combined with Red's aggressively flamboyant and in your face personality, was a bit much for some, and a sizeable number of Sky viewers, in my experience, will freely admit to feeling more than a little creeped out by his promos. Red perhaps wasn't the kind of anthropomorphic toggle with whom you necessarily wanted to get interactive - he had a very prominent mouth, with an awful lot of sinister-looking teeth - and besides, not everyone was sold on the idea of the red button on their Sky remote coming onto them (much less that it was getting off on you touching it). Red might have had the heart of a rock star, but perhaps he gave off a slightly Spinal Tap vibe which had you suspiciously scanning for the sores at the corners of those pronounced lips of his. Still, to counter all of that, he looked like Sideshow Bob spliced with Mick Jagger, and you're never in a million years going to convince me that that's not awesome as fuck. Red tickled the living snot out of me every time he appeared on my screen, albeit without actually convincing me to press that infernal button, mind. It's a world that remained forever unknown to me. The omnipresent red dot in the corner of my screen was but an annoying blemish on my TV landscape.

Despite giving a serious portion of Sky devotees the heebie-jeebies, Red had a fairly decent run of it, appearing in spots where he invited us to play Space Invaders ("this one's from the old-school!") and Tetris ("get them shapes horizontal - it's a good way to be!") and to download polyphonic ringtones through Sky Active for your Nokia 3310. Still, when Red was phased out around the mid-00s, Sky's strategy was take things in a decidedly more sedate and non-threatening direction, with a campaign involving a live action dog who politely sought the permission of a live action duck to press the red button. The freaky sexualised factor was out and heart-melting cuddliness was in, it seemed. Don't expect Red's successors to show up as Horrifying Advertising Animals any time soon; but for the slightly odd pseudo-preschool ambience that accompanied their promos, I don't have a whole lot to say about them. Except that they were the anti-Red in every way; whereas Red was all about emphasising just how wild and alive those interactive features were, Dog and Duck depicted them as something amiable and familiar. There was a soothing, almost soporific quality to their promos, like collapsing into a fluffy duvet and letting Sky Active whisk you off into a world of gentle loving care, as opposed to the all-out adrenalin rush promised by Red.

I've no clue why the duck has a fire engine, mind.

As for Red, the world hadn't yet seen the last of him, at least not viewers Down Under, for in 2004 he was imported to become the mascot for the equivalent red button service of Australian pay TV company Foxtel. Some of animation in Red's Australian campaign was recycled from UK promos, but his voice was re-dubbed to incorporate a local accent. The Foxtel promos appeared to emphasise Red's dynamic personality over his sensuality; the gyrating pelvis and intense close-up shots are still there, but the Australian voice-over seems to be milking the flamboyance factor far less than his UK equivalent.

Information on Red's genesis is scarce, and alas, I've been unable to find any reliable source on who voiced him in either his UK or Australian campaigns. A number of people in the YouTube comments seem convinced that the UK voice actor was Russell Brand, although I'm not detecting the same level of overall confidence as I did with the consensus that Rocky Robin was voiced by Tim Dealy.

Whether he brings back fond memories or long-repressed nightmares, Red was a truly one of a kind mascot. It's nice to know that entering the bold new millennium didn't completely dampen our capacity for a little all-out weirdness in our marketing.