I'll Do Anything and A Dilly of a Pickle

Last time, when I covered Jackson Browne's role in attempting to bolster James L. Brooks' would-be musical I'll Do Anything, I said something that, with hindsight, might have come across as incredibly naive: "If, like me, you're into I'll Do Anything and yearn for the vaporised musical that never was, then any window you can get into what might have been is a precious thing." That last part is certainly true, but make no mistake - I'm not deluded enough to believe there's another soul on this planet who's anywhere near as invested in this blanked and blanked-out picture as I. Most people, if they're aware of the film at all, see only an unfortunate blip in Brooks' career, sandwiched in between the heavy-hitters Broadcast News and As Good As It Gets. I'm all alone in this idiosyncratic fixation of mine. The rest of the world will never know the joy of waiting for a VHS copy of Paul Mazursky's (equally effaced) 1993 feature The Pickle to arrive in the mail, just so as to view a two-minute trailer at the start hinting at the film as it was once meant to be, with all its Prince, King and O'Connor-written numbers intact. It was a unique experience that cost me $24. I leapt the chance to by The Pickle, following a tip-off as just what kinds of hidden treasures lay tucked away at the start of that tape. So when the VHS arrived, it was almost like I was uncovering this tiny pocket of oasis that had somehow survived an all-out apocalypse. I came away feeling truly giddy at the rare and wonderful world into which I had just glimpsed. I'll Do Anything, with Prince tunes and dancing studio hands, just as God (James L. Brooks) intended. It was only two minutes' worth of meagre, fleeting pieces, but it was as close to the actual thing as I was ever likely to get, and I was going to be happy with that, dammit. $24 well-spent. Only then I discovered that somebody had uploaded the entire opening to VHS release of The Pickle to YouTube a few months prior, meaning that I could have just gone online and watched the damned thing for free all along. Bum bum bum bum bum.

Do I have any regrets? Nah. I've previously been very upfront about how staunch an advocate I am for physical media. YouTube uploads come and ago, but I like having something solid, that I can hold in my hands, which stands as an artifact of Brooks' original vision. Tangible evidence that this buried musical was indeed once here. On top of which, the anticipation was a huge part of the thrill. And besides, I've now got a copy of this movie, The Pickle, which I likely wouldn't have happened across otherwise. It too has been buried by the sands of time. For good reason, you might say? I'm aware that, as Mazursky movies go, The Pickle doesn't exactly have the best of reputations, but the premise (high-minded director makes movie about giant space pickle) does at least sound intriguingly offbeat enough for me to give it 103 minutes of my time.

So how is the trailer? Obviously it's a very different beast with that vibrant, characteristically Prince backing track running throughout. In fact, it's startling just how immeasurably more alive this promo feels compared to the trailer that eventually surfaced for the final theatrical cut (which honed in more on the sentimental aspects of the film, at the expense of its sardonic love-hate missives to Hollywood). While the theatrical release seems narratively complete (more or less), I think you can tell that it was forced to expend a huge amount of its own blood upon the cutting room floor, leaving it in a functional but peculiarly languid state; here, it's borderline surreal just how much energy and freshness the trailer zips along with. This is a privileged look at a star-crossed picture that still believes in itself, shortly before the weight of the world swoops in and crushes its zestful spirit.

In addition to the film's infamously relinquished choreography, we also get a number of non-musical moments that weren't featured in the theatrical cut. These include:

• A scene where Burke grabs hold of a tree trunk and shakes leaves onto himself and Matt (the characters' attire indicates that this would have happened during the sequence where Burke first talks Matt into becoming his chauffeur).
• A scene with the younger (longer-haired) Matt and Beth kissing, at a more optimistic time in their relationship.
• A scene where Jeannie embraces Matt while exclaiming, "I love you so much".
• A moment with Matt prepping for his Mr Deeds screen test that isn't in the final montage.

The film rounds off with the unfulfilled promise that it would be "coming this Christmas". Sadly, no. The film missed the slated December 1993 release date and instead limped out into theatres, in its severely mutilated state, the following February, where it had its hide handed to it by a certain crass-com featuring a pet detective. But that's all spilled milk now. As things currently stand, a director's cut ever seeing the light of day seems like a futile pipe dream and, as such, this two-minute montage is probably the closest that most of us will ever get to experiencing the film pre-dismemberment. So get yourself a copy of The Pickle on VHS and cherish it dearly. Or, if you're not as bothered as me (and let's face it, you aren't) then click on that YouTube video while it lasts. But you'll never know the sheer thrill of having to wait fourteen days for a wad of magnetic tape to drop through your door just for a tantalising glimpse into an alternate universe where a forgotten ex-musical was allowed to be itself. That experience was purely mine.