Confessions of a Family Dog Viewer: "Show Dog"

Original air date: 23rd June 1993

Following production difficulties which set the series back for more than two years, Family Dog's first episode, "Show Dog", finally aired on CBS on 23rd June 1993, to the general scorn of television critics and to the general indifference of everyone else.  I do not blame either camp for their reaction - simply put, "Show Dog" is not a good piece of television.  It's a strong contender for the weakest of the series' ten-episode run, taking numerous shortcomings which would continue to dog the show throughout (the gross negligence of the Binfords, the frequently unpleasant focus upon the suffering of the dog, the family's inconsistent attitude toward their dog, which often seems to fall in line with whatever the script demands at a given moment) and playing them up at their very worst.  There are some small mercies - Billy may be an obnoxious brat right from the go, but he doesn't here show much of the outright sociopathic streak that would emerge in later episodes - but overall the episode simply isn't that fun to watch, suffers from multiple pacing issues and virtually none of the gags fall into place.  Family Dog was not off to the best of starts, in other words.

As "Show Dog" opens, we join the Binfords in the middle of a scorching heatwave, with them locked in a petty squabble over Bev's unsuccessful attempts to appease the family with a brunch consisting of homemade three bean quiche (we see here the origins of a running gag in which Bev's efforts to feed her family nutritious homemade vegetarian cuisine are rebuffed by their preference for take-out junk food - it's a standard cliche of 90s comedy, and this isn't the most engaging or refreshing example that you're likely to find).  In all this bickering, it seems that nobody has taken the trouble to ensure that the dog is adequately watered.  Desperately parched and faced with an empty water dish, he wanders into the house in the hopes of alerting one of the humans to his dire need for refreshment, to find them all either too dense or too self-absorbed to so much as notice. The first third of the episode is taken up with drawn-out sequences of the dog being taunted by various sources of liquid which remain painfully out of reach - a water cooler, the kitchen sink, a toilet, etc (in one particularly uneasy scene he even ends up inside a washing machine in operation, a scenario which, in reality, would likely result in a dead dog). Obviously it's important to establish the extent of the dog's desperation, but this portion of the episode is at worst a bit mean-spirited and at best a bit dull. Only when Buffy sees a TV commercial promoting a local dog show and is compelled to start dressing the dog up in a bra and lipstick does the plot really begin to get underway.  News of the show appears to stroke something in Skip's ego, as he recalls the "crowning moment of [his] boyhood" when his dog King took second place in the tri-county finals.  Before long, the dehydrated dog of present suddenly finds himself at the centre of attention, as the family prepare him for entry in the dog show, all while still failing to recognise that he's in urgent need of a good thirst-quenching.

Thus, we have the aforementioned problem regarding inconsistencies in how the Binfords treat their dog, as "Show Dog" hinges upon the rather dubious notion that, no matter how much contempt and indifference the Binfords may heap on their dog on a daily basis, they apparently consider him worthy of competing with prestigious pedigrees in a dog show.  I suspect that the irony was at least somewhat intentional - we have a scenario in which the Binfords clamour around their wretched pet, in a forlorn and obviously ill-fated attempt to dispel their own feelings of middle-class inadequacy, all while failing to address its most basic of needs.  The potential for biting observations and sharp humour is definitely there, but nothing connects as it should.

It's here that we're introduced to the Mahoneys, the Binfords' insufferably perfect neighbours and the bane of their tedious middle-class existences. The Mahoneys are also planning on entering their hulking dog Buster into the show, where he has reportedly taken the Best of Breed trophy for three years running (note that this is Buster's only appearance on the show - when we next see the Mahoneys, in Episode 4, he's been replaced by a different, albeit totally identical-looking dog named K-10). This merely intensifies Skip's desire to throw his own hat into the ring. As the family pile into the car and make their way to the show grounds, the dog's attempts at getting some liquid into his puny body become increasingly frenzied and pathetic, to the point where he's licking the windscreen from inside the car at the sight of the wipers at work on the outside. Little of this behaviour seems to render the Binfords any wiser.

By the time we actually reach the show promised in the episode's title, the episode itself is way past the halfway mark, and very little of interest happens there. The Binfords run into the Mahoneys again and, in unison, call them "buttheads" behind their backs (I assume that this is an attempt to show the Binfords as a close-knit family unit, in spite of their dysfunctionalities), but mostly we just get more sequences of the dog being tormented by potential sources of liquid, causing him to hang his mouth open ever more forlornly.  Virtually no interest is shown in the culture and procedures of the dog showing community itself, suggesting that the writing staff weren't too deeply enthused by this subject matter - its purpose is simply as a logical setting in which to involve a canine character and little else.  Something is made of the dog's dislike of having his nether-regions prodded, which causes him to react badly to the inspection process, but this merely filler material before the big dramatic climax, when an enormous ice sculpture in the shape of a dog is paraded around the show ring. At this point, our dog loses all control and lunges at it, causing the sculpture to topple and shatter, but finally getting some water in his belly in the process.

The Binfords are mortified by the behaviour of their dog (save for Billy who, being the mindless brat that he is, revels in the chaos) and are even more chagrined when the Mahoneys and Buster take Best of Breed for the fourth year in a row. There follows a slight fake-out in which the judges announce that an honorary prize will be awarded to a dog whose determination embodies the competitive spirit integral to the ethos of the show, only for it to be handed to a rather fragile-looking chihuahua (it's here that we get the one joke which I actually think works in this episode, a visual gag in which the chihuahua is flattened under the weight of its rosette). It looks as if the Binfords are about to unleash all manner of fury upon their dog but, in an unexpected, borderline inexplicable turn, Skip treats him with total sympathy, acknowledging that you can't win them all. Possibly Skip does see how his own gross negligence as a pet owner was the cause of this humiliation and is willing to shoulder responsibility for that, although it seems rather improbable.

As the Binfords exit the show grounds in their car, Bev suggests to Skip that they consider getting a second dog, one more competition-worthy like King, but Skip declines, admitting that the crowning moment of his boyhood was actually owed to there being a grand total of two dogs in the show. Despite Skip's apparent acceptance of his dog, in spite of his failings, we see the story come full cycle in the final scene, as the family once again fail to address the basic needs of their dog. Having swallowed his fill of ice water, the dog now rather desperately wants to step outside and unload his bursting bladder, only for Skip to grumble that he's never satisfied (if it's any consolation, the dog surely can't be expected to endure this torment as he did the thirst problem - if Skip doesn't pull over, then something will certainly give). As the episode fades out, the family yet again descend into petty squabbling (this time regarding Bev's distrust of Skip's driving skills). The only disruption to the cycle comes in the form of a sudden downpour, signifying that the heatwave, at the very least, has been alleviated.

Humble beginnings, then, for a series which would never achieve any genuine heights of greatness in its very brief run.  The dog's quest for satiation might have worked as a five minute short but feels awkwardly drawn-out at twenty one minutes and, while the humour does occasionally border upon the mean and unpleasant, overall I'd say that "Show Dog" suffers from the sin of just being predominantly rather dull.  While the series never really overcomes a number of the problems present from the outset, just about every episode that follows does represent a step up from "Show Dog" in some form or another, and that's a reassuring enough thought.